"Face of Abuse"
I know what you are thinking..."Face of Abuse? Where?" That's just it. It's something you don't normally see because it is hidden. I've had my nose, cheek, jaw, ribs and foot broken because of physical abuse and something that you try not to do when you are bruised or hurt is go out in public. This person (I will not name) reached a point of primal stupidity and sheer cunning when he would physically abuse me but in such a way as to not leave marks where they could be seen. He knew, since he could not hold a job and since I had steady work (and naturally we HAD to have money), he would stop the abuse just a punch or two short of me needing to go to the hospital. By physically abusing me in this manner, he insured that I wouldn't have to miss work, AND he wouldn't get into trouble, since he made sure the marks would be hidden.

I remember Justin was just a couple of years old and I worked walking distance from where we were living. It was a hearing aid establishment and it was just myself and another woman who worked there besides the Doctors. I had wanted to talk to someone for so long about what I was going through and this day was a couple of days after a very bad fight in which one of my ribs had been broken. There were horrible bruises all over my back, upper arms and rib areas where he had pushed me onto the bed face first and jumped onto my back with his knees squeezing my arms to my sides and repeatedly punched me and swung his fists into my sides until he felt something give (it was my rib). My pleading and screaming stopped when I couldn't breath. Of course at this point (like every other time) he said he was sorry and that he loved me.

The other woman and I was in the break room together eating our lunch when I got up, closed the door and said "I need to show you something." She just sat there quietly, but looked confused. I stood with my back to her and raised my shirt and just stood there waiting for a response. Since she wasn't saying anything I turned toward her only to see her with both of her hands covoring her mouth and tears in her eyes. I lowered my shirt and she stretched her arms out to me saying "Oh Debbie!" There was of course nothing she could do but she hugged me and I felt a relief of some sort being able to talk to someone.

Remember....If you don't run your own life, someone else will!
-John Atkins

A woman is like a tea bag: you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.
- Author Unknown

The door of opportunity won't open unless you do some pushing.
-Author Unknown

It is a funny thing about life: If you refuse to accept anything but the best you very often get it.
- Author Unknown

The best way to predict your future is to create it.
- Author Unknown

Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.
- Carol Burnett

"Get a Grip!"
What I mainly want to say to you who are being abused is "Get a grip!" Common sense and being realistic go along way. Don't get with someone and then try to change them. What you see is what you get. #1. Accept them for who they are when you meet them and get to know them. #2. Evaluate. A good way to evaluate is to get a piece of paper, draw a line down the center of the page, list the positives and negatives. This can be with anything you are trying to make a decision on. If the positives out way the negatives or the other way around then you should make your decision based on that. #3. Don't set around and say those famous words "But I love him/her!" That is where you mess up! You let your heart talk to your brain where realism and common sense dwell and things go haywire everytime! Get outside the picture and use your logic. Think to yourself, if this were my child, mother, sister, brother...and they were in your position....how would you feel then? Would it be ok? Would you be comfortable like you would want to be in that situation? If all of this is negative, how could you possibly get a positive out of it? You can't. It will never happen. Save yourself a lot of heart ache and tears and get out. Make as much as you can out of your short life that you have on this earth. You are a living, breathing individual and you matter! Learn to look in the mirror and not only like, but love the person looking back. You can't do that until you can stand up straight and proud from gaining strength and not staying that scared little mouse in the corner. Once you start telling yourself that little saying "I think I can, I think I can...I know I can, I know I can!" And believing it, then you will start doing things you really didn't think that you could. Then friends, you gain a confidence that is a strength all it's own. Through prayer and trusting in God you really can do anything that you want to do and it is never to late.

If you or someone you know are a victim of domestic violence, seek professional assistance. In the event of an emergency, call 911. Otherwise, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline toll-free at 1-800-799-SAFE (TDD number for the hearing impaired is 1-800-787-3224). This number operates 24-hours a day, 365 days a year throughout the United States, Puerto Rico, and the Virgin Islands. The hotline receives approximately 14,000 calls every month. Callers speak to a trained advocate who can offer crisis intervention, support, and referrals to local services in their communities. Their website is www.ndvh.org.